I hit an important milestone today.
I looked into the mirror, and instead of a transsexual in guy’s clothes, I saw a girl in guy’s clothes.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Coming Out: Family Edition
Coming out is a long process. Saying “I’m gay” or “I’m lesbian” or “I’m transgender” to everyone who needs to know can take a long time, and it has the potential to shake up any relationship. Actually, saying “I’m gay” might be a little easier, since that is just an orientation—being transgender is a basic identity change, as many people see it.
Side tangent: Just because I’m female doesn’t mean that I’m a different person. I have the same hopes, dreams, and aspirations that I had as a male; I’m just wearing different clothing in the end picture.
After a lot of thought, I’ve decided to start coming out to my mom’s side of the family. They’re the generally more liberal/less religious side, so I’m starting with them. There are also a lot of them, so one or two bad reactions won’t be disastrous.
An aunt and two uncles know now, and they’re all very supportive. It isn’t really the aunts, uncles, or cousins that I am worried about; it is the grandparents. Due to divorce/remarriage, I’ve actually got three grandparents on that side, and I don’t know how any of them will take it. They’re of a different generation entirely than today’s, which is slowly moving towards acceptance.
My aunt advises that I should go to their house to tell them rather than telling them at mine. That’s understandable—they’ll be in comfortable surroundings, so it should be less of a shock. Besides, that way, if they do react badly, they won’t have to drive home angrily. (I’m only half joking with that.)
I don’t think it will be at a family gathering that I’ll tell the lot of them. One or two at a time would be best. Whenever they come over to visit, most likely, I’ll pull them aside with mom (again, making them feel more comfortable by surrounding them with familiar things) and talk about it with them. Some of them will probably be like, “oh. Okay. Cool.” Others will be confused, which is understandable. Transsexuals are one of the fringe groups in the GLBTQ umbrella. (Most estimates place the transgender rate for male-to-females at 1 in 3000).
Wish me luck!
Side tangent: Just because I’m female doesn’t mean that I’m a different person. I have the same hopes, dreams, and aspirations that I had as a male; I’m just wearing different clothing in the end picture.
After a lot of thought, I’ve decided to start coming out to my mom’s side of the family. They’re the generally more liberal/less religious side, so I’m starting with them. There are also a lot of them, so one or two bad reactions won’t be disastrous.
An aunt and two uncles know now, and they’re all very supportive. It isn’t really the aunts, uncles, or cousins that I am worried about; it is the grandparents. Due to divorce/remarriage, I’ve actually got three grandparents on that side, and I don’t know how any of them will take it. They’re of a different generation entirely than today’s, which is slowly moving towards acceptance.
My aunt advises that I should go to their house to tell them rather than telling them at mine. That’s understandable—they’ll be in comfortable surroundings, so it should be less of a shock. Besides, that way, if they do react badly, they won’t have to drive home angrily. (I’m only half joking with that.)
I don’t think it will be at a family gathering that I’ll tell the lot of them. One or two at a time would be best. Whenever they come over to visit, most likely, I’ll pull them aside with mom (again, making them feel more comfortable by surrounding them with familiar things) and talk about it with them. Some of them will probably be like, “oh. Okay. Cool.” Others will be confused, which is understandable. Transsexuals are one of the fringe groups in the GLBTQ umbrella. (Most estimates place the transgender rate for male-to-females at 1 in 3000).
Wish me luck!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Body Image and Getting Naked
Let’s talk about body image.
I’ve privately admitted to being a transsexual for nearly a year now. In that time, I’ve done my best to feminize my features, mannerisms, and body. That involves:
• Growing my hair out (it is now past my shoulders)
• Altering posture to have an arched back more often, as well as crossed legs, among other changes
• Changing my walk to smaller, more delicate steps
• Finding ways to deemphasize my jaw line, Adam’s apple, shoulders
• Losing weight (to get flat stomach, especially, but other areas as well)
At this point, when I look in the mirror, I’m beginning to see what I was meant to be. I’ll be the first to admit that it might be because that’s what I want to see, and that might be skewing my perceptions. However, I don’t much care if that is the case—the more female I see myself, the more confident I’ll get in myself as a girl, and the more female energy I’ll have around others.
When I’m wearing girl clothes, I think that I see a girl in the mirror probably 75% of the time, depending on how the angle of my glance treats my (lack of) chest or hips. When I’m wearing boy clothes, it is probably closer to 30%.
It is all about my energy at that moment—if I’m feeling confident and good about myself, I’m much more likely to see myself as a girl. I’m just putting out that feminine aura, for want of a better term.
By contrast, if I’m feeling demoralized or bad about my body, I’ll probably see a guy looking back at me, regardless of what clothes I’m wearing. That brings me to a major point of this post:
Nudity.
No matter how feminine I look with my clothes on, and no matter how confident I am, the instant the clothes start coming off, that all goes down the drain. No amount of practice is going to change the fact that I don’t have a chest and that I do have boy parts.
It sucks hardcore to spend a lot of time feminizing your appearance, and then having that destroyed in the space of undressing. Any time I get in the shower or into pajamas, my self-confidence takes a plunge. It doesn’t help that I have mirrors in the bathroom and in my room.
Eventually, I’ll be able to get the hormones and surgeries to start correcting my anatomy. Until then, well, my emotional reaction to looking at myself without clothes is going to range from frowning to almost crying, depending on my mood.
I’m doing my best.
I’ve privately admitted to being a transsexual for nearly a year now. In that time, I’ve done my best to feminize my features, mannerisms, and body. That involves:
• Growing my hair out (it is now past my shoulders)
• Altering posture to have an arched back more often, as well as crossed legs, among other changes
• Changing my walk to smaller, more delicate steps
• Finding ways to deemphasize my jaw line, Adam’s apple, shoulders
• Losing weight (to get flat stomach, especially, but other areas as well)
At this point, when I look in the mirror, I’m beginning to see what I was meant to be. I’ll be the first to admit that it might be because that’s what I want to see, and that might be skewing my perceptions. However, I don’t much care if that is the case—the more female I see myself, the more confident I’ll get in myself as a girl, and the more female energy I’ll have around others.
When I’m wearing girl clothes, I think that I see a girl in the mirror probably 75% of the time, depending on how the angle of my glance treats my (lack of) chest or hips. When I’m wearing boy clothes, it is probably closer to 30%.
It is all about my energy at that moment—if I’m feeling confident and good about myself, I’m much more likely to see myself as a girl. I’m just putting out that feminine aura, for want of a better term.
By contrast, if I’m feeling demoralized or bad about my body, I’ll probably see a guy looking back at me, regardless of what clothes I’m wearing. That brings me to a major point of this post:
Nudity.
No matter how feminine I look with my clothes on, and no matter how confident I am, the instant the clothes start coming off, that all goes down the drain. No amount of practice is going to change the fact that I don’t have a chest and that I do have boy parts.
It sucks hardcore to spend a lot of time feminizing your appearance, and then having that destroyed in the space of undressing. Any time I get in the shower or into pajamas, my self-confidence takes a plunge. It doesn’t help that I have mirrors in the bathroom and in my room.
Eventually, I’ll be able to get the hormones and surgeries to start correcting my anatomy. Until then, well, my emotional reaction to looking at myself without clothes is going to range from frowning to almost crying, depending on my mood.
I’m doing my best.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Delay
The "post every Friday, come hell or high water or calculus homework" plan does not apply during family medical emergencies.
I'll post tomorrow.
I'll post tomorrow.
Friday, September 12, 2008
We're all one big, happy, GLBTQ family
GLBTQ (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning) people stick together.
Maybe it sounds silly that just because we all fall under the same blanket term that we’re automatically inclined to help each other out, but almost without fail, I find this to be the case.
No matter how much progress we have made, the fact of the matter is that we still live in a world that can be very hostile. Not only do we have to put up with normal stress, we also can get harassed or threatened merely on the basis of our orientation or identity. As a result, many GLBTQ people (at least that I know) welcome all of the support that they can get.
Even if I might be inclined to dislike someone, I feel that I need to back them up about GLBTQ issues. They might annoy me, but I’m still going to stand up for them when they need it. We get enough trouble as it is without causing each other havoc.
By the same token, if I meet someone and know that they are GLBTQ, then I’m probably going to be even nicer than I normally try to be. If I can make their life that much easier by smiling a little more or making a supportive comment, then I’m going to do it.
Some GLBTQ people are living it up and loving life and probably don’t need any extra support. But for every flamboyant person, there are ten people who have to keep quiet about their sexuality or their gender identity out of fear. I’m in the latter category. I know that it always makes me feel better when one of the people I’ve told about my transgenderism tells me that my hair is pretty or that a pair of jeans are particularly slimming, et cetera. It’s the little things that can totally turn my day around. I want to be the girl to do that for everyone who needs that little boost.
Maybe it sounds silly that just because we all fall under the same blanket term that we’re automatically inclined to help each other out, but almost without fail, I find this to be the case.
No matter how much progress we have made, the fact of the matter is that we still live in a world that can be very hostile. Not only do we have to put up with normal stress, we also can get harassed or threatened merely on the basis of our orientation or identity. As a result, many GLBTQ people (at least that I know) welcome all of the support that they can get.
Even if I might be inclined to dislike someone, I feel that I need to back them up about GLBTQ issues. They might annoy me, but I’m still going to stand up for them when they need it. We get enough trouble as it is without causing each other havoc.
By the same token, if I meet someone and know that they are GLBTQ, then I’m probably going to be even nicer than I normally try to be. If I can make their life that much easier by smiling a little more or making a supportive comment, then I’m going to do it.
Some GLBTQ people are living it up and loving life and probably don’t need any extra support. But for every flamboyant person, there are ten people who have to keep quiet about their sexuality or their gender identity out of fear. I’m in the latter category. I know that it always makes me feel better when one of the people I’ve told about my transgenderism tells me that my hair is pretty or that a pair of jeans are particularly slimming, et cetera. It’s the little things that can totally turn my day around. I want to be the girl to do that for everyone who needs that little boost.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Apologies
I had no idea it had been so long since I last posted.
I don't think I'll be doing so tonight; let me just reassure you that I have not disappeared entirely! I spent most of August and the beginning of September with my beloved Kate, so my Internet activity fell by the wayside.
My new goal for this blog is to post every Friday, come hell or high water or calculus homework. Wish me luck!
I don't think I'll be doing so tonight; let me just reassure you that I have not disappeared entirely! I spent most of August and the beginning of September with my beloved Kate, so my Internet activity fell by the wayside.
My new goal for this blog is to post every Friday, come hell or high water or calculus homework. Wish me luck!
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